Confession & Music

For quite a few years I've had a pretty strong desire to lead worship - not just on the side in spare time, but even as a full time job. I absolutely love playing guitar, learning to play new songs, thinking about what song worship is, how to do it, etc. I enjoy improving on the guitar and would love to devote much more time to music.

I suppose that isn't a big confession. I've never really stated that before - before this past Sunday night when I said it to my wife. I guess there's always been a sense of guilt with it or a sense of pride. Guilt - I find too much pleasure in it; maybe that it's not fitting for me to do that (I love to teach and love theology - which I know do or should play a huge part in songs). Pride - I think I'll become proud much too easily; Similar to guilt - I'm not sure I've been called to that - I really love to teach. Also on the pride side - I realize that my musical abilities are incredibly small compared to music majors - from theory, to guitar, and especially to voice - I have a lot to learn (though I know more than the average guitar hacker). That also makes me feel absolutely incompetent.

So I'm saying it - I do have a passion for leading song worship. I really do. I love it. I love preparing for it. I think on it often.

I don't have any great thoughts as to how that affects my future. I do believe that God has called me to "full-time ministry" - but what that is for the future, I have no idea. I'm sure my simple (and they are very simple) musical abilities will be used in what happens, but I really have no idea how much.

I continue to pray to God - here I am. Use me however you want to. You have known all along that I love singing songs of praise to you. Take that for your glory, along with my other gifts and talents - and even my weaknesses. Amen